by I say the “almost” start of it all because for a long while dad told us mom wasn’t remembering things like she used to, she was flighty and more argumentative. But like so many people, we just put it off to her getting older. The aging process. (By the way, I later learned that “getting old” isn’t a diagnosis for memory loss.)
The Whole Story
We also learned that dad wasn’t telling us the whole story about their home life. Why would he? We most certainly would have advised them to, and made sure they moved out of their home of 40 years into a much smaller more manageable place, perhaps a place that offered them help?! (I can hear the roaring laughter now, from family and friends who knew my folks. No way would they give up their freedom and their home. And they would be right. Both of my parents were pretty hard-headed back in the day. They didn’t need any help. Unless something was wrong with their computers, then it was all hands on deck. But, that is another story for another blog.)
Over the last several years of my father’s life, he had started paying all the bills, making doctor’s appointments, doing the grocery shopping, and leaving notes to remind mom to take her pills. All the while dealing with mom repeating herself more often, being more argumentative than before, and forgetting to take her pills. On top of all of that he was dealing with, unbeknownst to us, his own health issues.
Does this situation sound familiar? From what I understand this is a very common situation with aging parents. One parent takes on the responsibilities of the other, turning into the “caregiver”, all the while not telling their family what is actually going on inside their home on a daily basis for fear they will lose their freedom.
Our Actual Start of it All
Skip forward, to Thanksgiving 2013. My husband and I just returned from a cruise and we were having Thanksgiving dinner at my in-laws home. My brother drove over to St. Petersburg, Florida from Orlando, with his two adult children and mom and dad.
It was a beautiful day, the weather was cool, but not too cold. Lots of family members and friends gathered for this annual event. People were milling about inside and out eating turkey, enjoying the day, the music, and the overabundance of wonderful covered dishes everyone brought to share.
Mom and dad were enjoying themselves. Mom inside talking up a storm with anyone who would listen to her repetitive stories and questions, and dad was in the backyard enjoying the music, festivities, and food. However, pop was also complaining about his fingers being numb. This should have been a clue, dad never complained about his health or how he was feeling. Again, we put it to him just getting older and feeling the cold weather since he had spent the majority of the day outside.
The festivities ended and everyone headed for home. Sunday came and all of our worlds changed…dad asked mom to take him to the hospital.